How M.E.N.D. Was Formed

by Rebekah Mitchell

The first year following Jonathan's death proved to be very difficult. Although I had wonderful support from my family and friends, I thought no one knew what I was going through. I could not imagine that anyone knew the loneliness and emptiness that I was feeling.

There were times that the crook in my right arm literally ached for my baby's little head. At night, I experienced horrible nightmares that my baby was really alive and the hospital had made a terrible mistake. A couple of times I even thought I heard a baby crying the middle of the night.

Surely no one else had endured such heartache. I longed to talk to another mother who had lost a baby, but I knew of no one. During those dark days of grief, I decided that when I was able, I would seek out other bereaved mommies and try to help them. However, I had no idea where to begin. As the months continued, the desire to reach out became greater.

Just prior to Jonathan's first birthday, I was gathering the newspaper to throw it away when I felt compelled to browse the obituary section. There was a notice of a baby girl, Cailey Elizabeth Ottinger, who was stillborn two days before. I then felt led to contact Cailey's mother, Laurie. Hesitantly, I contacted her and within a few days we became friends.

We then found Lynne Böer through the obituaries who had just buried her stillborn son, Michael Joseph. Before long, there were several of us bereaved moms who met on a regular basis and shared our feelings, loneliness, and heartaches. I quickly realized that we had indeed developed our own support group that I eventually named M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death).

Although all of us come from different backgrounds and have different stories to tell, we all went through the same initiation which made us members of this "club." My desire for this ministry is as those of us know the suffering of losing a precious baby to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death, we join together to uplift and support one another. And I pray "...that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God". (2 Corinthians 1:4)

It is my prayer that as you travel down the road of grief and mourning, you will find solace in this group of Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death.

Rebekah Mitchell

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Jaimie's Story

by Jaimie Crump

Gerald and I had been married for 4 years when we decided to try to get pregnant. Never having done this before, we didn't think it would happen, but it did! Bam! We were pregnant and so excited. We gave our parents "I love my grandpa" and I love my grandma" bibs for Christmas to tell them of the great news. Everyone was thrilled! Then my world started closing in on me when my best friend/grandmother died on December 23, 2002. She had been in the hospital for 4 weeks before that slowly deteriorating. She was the first one I told that I was pregnant (around 5 weeks). Even in her ICU bed, breathing tube and all, her eyes welled up with tears. I would never have guessed that the first one to know of my baby would also be the first one to meet her.

I was called by a nurse at my job and asked if I was "sitting down". She then proceeded to tell me that my triple screen test had shown a high probability of Trisomy 18. I drove home in tears and Gerald came home from work early to console me. The amniocentesis I was advised to get, was more scary than painful - but was over pretty fast. The stoic doctor was very cold and nonverbal - making us feel right at home. After he had preformed the procedure and ultrasound, they shuffled us to his office right away for the doctor for him to explain the results. I only remember him saying right off the bat, that she did in fact have Trisomy 18 - the rest, Gerald would have to tell. Somewhere in his "debriefing of our daughter", he offered us an abortion right away. Gerald was very firm and told him, that with the help from my doctor, we would carry this baby to term.

That is what we did. I went in every 2 weeks for an ultrasound to measure the level of amniotic fluid. The head nurse would sneak me in the back door and the sweet tech took a lot of pictures and gave them to me after I had Cami. During this time was when I found MEND and spend countless hours emailing people who understood what I was going through. They gave me a lot of helpful information so I was very prepared (materially) at the hospital.

At 34 weeks, my amniotic level was measuring 40 weeks pregnant, so my doctor decided to induce me. We went to the hospital and had Abigail Grace on July 1st at 2:43 in the morning. Our parents and siblings were there and we all held her for hours. I was the only one in the room who was not crying (nurses included). To this day, I believe that the Holy Spirit gave me such a peace for those few hours with her, that I was able to fully take her in with out my emotions getting in the way. I had already deeply mourned her for 17 weeks and I was the only one who felt her alive and knew her intimately. It was time for the rest of my family to grieve and time for me to meet this little person who had changed my life forever.

Almost 2 years later, I accepted God's calling to start a MEND group in Houston. MEND had meant so much to me that I knew I wanted to share that with others who were hurting. I have two wonderful helpers, Brandy and Sarah, who God lead to this ministry also and I couldn't live without. Since June of 2005, our group has grown so much which enabled us to have a Walk to Remember and Christmas Ceremony. I can only pray that we are bringing the light of Christ to the darkest times in these Houston family's lives.